You Can't Half Love Someone
by Chanel Danette
3/14/11
You can't half love someone,
or can you?
One of my most confusing relationships,
isn't with another man.
Believe it or not, it's with another woman.
But don't be shocked.
This day in age, why is that so shocking to hear?
But yeah, another woman who I have mixed feelings about,
constant confusion about.
I swear she drives me up the wall.
Not knowing if those feelings are real, fake, made up,
maybe somewhere in between.
Not sure, but I am stuck.
Not even between a rock and a hard place.
More like dried up super glue on the inside of an acrylic nail broken off after weeks of attachment.
Stuck.
She always knew how to take advantage of the love I've given her,
heck I even felt like her mother.
Covering up the dirt she did on me,
lied to shield my hurt eyes from the infant she had become,
lacking the efficiency of stability in our home.
Where is the love?
She like every other man made me cry,
toss and turn at night.
I'm grown, but why do I still keep a nightlight?
So many nightmares of her leaving me,
cheating on me with a man.
Abandoning me, the one who was there from the beginning.
I am suppose to be her main priority.
I guess I don't understand.
I guess what makes me upset is the fact that
when I needed her, she was never there.
She was there but, not really.
It's kinda blurry.
Only when she got tired of chasing the others around.
That's when she'd come back to me.
When she had NOTHING, I was there.
Waking up at 3 oclock in the morning to an empty bed,
shaking my head.
All i could do was shed, another tear.
And another, and another.
Didn't have a father figure,
so I don't exactly know what love is.
I could be close but,
I'll never fully experience it how I want to.
I was neglected, I was forgotten.
Somehow we're still together.
Our relationship been struggling for over 20 years,
and we are hanging on by a thread.
Don't know if I can let this one go.
Take it slow but,
remain emotional.
Should I stay in the ring and lose my pride?
Don't know how much longer I can accept,
the fact that she is you, and you are she.
And she as her is being you, my mother.
Where do I draw the line if you can't half love someone?
